Out of the mouths of babes...

You have never been put in your place or embarrassed until you have had children. First I will tell you about Jamie. For some reason tonight, the palm of my hand has been itching. I am not talking about a little itch...I am talking about the kind that if you could break skin it would be a good thing. I don't know if it was itching because I was watching some idiot on Animal Planet purposely let a vampire bat bite his hand or what. Anyway, I am sitting on the couch scratching my hand like a cat in a litter box. Jamie walks in and looks at me with that standard 13 year old "Momma what are you doing?" I explained to her that my hand was itching and very badly. Now before I tell you the rest of the story, you have to understand that my daughter is very smart. She watches Discovery channel and reads all the time. Therefore, what she is about to say to me makes me think she has seen, heard or read it somewhere. She says to me, with a straight face, "Lick your hand." I am looking at her with a very strange look. She says, "Seriously, lick your hand." So I do. I in turn am looking at her very strangley as well with a very disturbed look on my face because my hand did not taste good. She says, "I did it." I said, "Did what?" She says, "Make you lick your hand like a retard!" Can I tell you how stupid I felt?

Now to Jacob. After church this morning, we decided to go to Dairy Queen for lunch. We are sitting at the DQ - the one in Eastaboga. Now understand, this DQ is now owned by Iranian or Iraqi or by some sort of folks who aren't from around these parts. You know those kind of people that think us Americans, especially those in the South, are retarded - hence the above story. Anyway, we are sitting there eating lunch. Jacob, out of the clear blue sky, announces, "My butt crack itches!" Okay I am ready to crawl under the table. I quietly say to him, "Jacob go to the bathroom and scratch." Very loudly he says, "Then I will have an itchy and greasy butt crack!" (He was eating a grilled cheese sandwich!) You only think you have accomplished something to get out of your parents' house alive, made it through college, get married and hold down a job. Then you have kids!